lapels and lollypops

2000-11-21T17:03:00.000-08:00

Out, out brief candle..

You know there must some imbalance of the ego's when a band names themselves after an entire continent. With only 8 days to go till I depart I keep having the tune to Europe's, 'It's The Final Countdown' hummed at me by my sister every time she walks past. I know that before the dust even settles she'll have my stereo unplugged and in her room, actually I'm not sure which event she is counting down for.

Of course Lapels and Lollypops will have to die *sob*, I'd like to start another blog in the UK but we'll see what happens, if I get a job as boring as the one I have now then look out!!!!

It is a tale told by an idiot**
Full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing

*mwahs*
Mathilde

**Or in this case, a very stylish girl !

2000-11-19T23:27:00.000-08:00

Shoppers Revenge

Shop assistants come in variety of guises, including;

i)Over eager but so nice you don't mind them too much - Pepa Meja

ii) Sarcastic but in a clever way so you don't mind them too much - Zoo Emporium

iii) Bitter and twisted old hags who should have retired in 1976 - David Jones

We carefully backed away from the girl at Pepa Meja, laughed with wary eyes at the boy in Zoo Emporium and I (to my mother's horror) told the miserly old wench in David Jones that all the clothes in her section would make even the most attractive goddess look like "The Trunchbull"...I can only hope she has read 'Matilda' at some time in the last two centuries.

...when she is bad she is horrid

2000-11-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

Miss Mathilde's Rules of Etiquette

I was wondering, Blogland, would it be overly presumptuous to end a friendship over a forward?
Not just any forward mind you but one of those pissy namby pamby "Seize the day, life is worth living and please pass this pile of wank onto forty thousand people in the next ten minutes or else the powers that be will arrange it so that you get hit by a bus and your corpse devoured by gnats".

I have been expecting a reply from this girl for weeks and all she does is send me a junky forward, next time I see her I may be forced to say "talk to the hand".

*le rowls*

2000-11-15T23:44:00.000-08:00

D.I.S.C.O

I always knew the groove came from somewhere, on the day I was born 'Mary's Boy Child' by Boney M was number 1 in the UK and 'Le Freak' *say chic* was number 1 in the US. What was number 1 here in Oz? Probably some horrific John-Paul Young song, *ick* that sailor suit did absolutely nothing for that man.

I had one of those experiences last night, where someone wakes you up out of a deep sleep, then tells you with the utmost sincerity that it is morning and you'll be late for work...so I freak out. Teeth are brushed, face scrubbed, the shower is just heating up when I notice it's rather dark for this time of the morning and I hear my Father at the foot of the stair collapsing into a pile of giggles, cheeky! I had only intended to have a little nap. They finished off the rest of the wine as well *hmpf*, if I'd had the energy the hissy fit would have been HUGE.

The send off 'do' is coming together, I have expert working round the clock to help me with the guest list. There will be tapas, there will be sangria, there will be cocktails, there will be twisted ankles...it will be fab!

xxoo
I swear not one 'French 76' is going to pass my lips next week, oh no Sir!

2000-11-14T16:48:00.000-08:00

The gods are all lounging up there on their eiderdown quilts, casually throwing spitballs at my head..

I'm having a lovely death-warmed-up day, no sleep, stuck at work with only the prospect of visiting the motor registry, the bank and my insurance company this afternoon. I did have a lovely night though, Billie Holiday on the jukebox, banana pudding, gorgeous company, spunky waiters, what more could a girl ask for?

Recently the anal Australian government passed a law banning all smoking in the indoor areas of restaurants and cafes, initially this news barely registered in my non-smoker head. Smokers, dog walkers, vagabonds, vagrants and those looking for car spots are constantly being persecuted with new laws and new fines are being brought in all the time, you can bet the next thing will be that smokers can only have a puff when the moon is in it's third quarter and Mars is orbiting Jupiter.
If it doesn't interrupt my consumption why should I care, but last night we noticed something missing from Deans, it wasn't as crowded and noisy, where had all the people gone and why did they take the Pixies off the jukebox?
I can't answer the second question but the first became apparent as you noticed half of the crowd were looking overly jittery, their caffeine to nicotine ratio was all out of whack and they were forced to leave their table and go outside in the rain for a puff. This does something to the atmosphere, Dean's didn't feel the same, maybe it's because it felt a lot brighter without the haze, maybe it was the constant stream of people too-ing and fro-ing but something was off kilter. If it means I need to inhale a bit of carcinogens to get that old feeling back then so be it. I already do enough things to actively destroy my health and I'm not going to let a bit of second hand smoke bother me, especially if the vapour is coming from a boy who smokes like Paul Henried.

*thud*

2000-11-13T22:40:00.000-08:00

'Come on party people, throw your hands in the air'

I'm not long for this country. I have 16 days left to go and I haven't even revisited half of my haunts yet, so tonight we are going to return to Dean's cafe in Kings Cross, location of what must go down as my most spectacular public collapse, god forbid I should ever top that one.

I'm trying to organise my farewell 'do', thing is, in any party situation I'm fine except for when the reason for the occasion has anything to do with me. I like birthday parties as long as they are not mine, I have no problem being the centre of attention but I'd much rather it be for a reason other than what day it is. I never know who to invite, never know who will care to come, I know who my close friends are but I can never figure out who my aquaintances are and whether I should invite them or not. Generally I would say "no", if I couldn't be bothered pursuing a real friendship with these people then why should I care if they come or not, but if they don't come then I have a rather pitiful party size. The best solution I could ever see for this party paranoia was to simply not have one and so I never have but now it seems a must and the guest list is driving me nuts!

I'm going to shut up now.

2000-11-12T20:48:00.000-08:00

One hand or two ?

Spent a messy Friday night dancing to B(if)tek and stealing sips from other peoples drinks, it has only been today that I realised what a scabby persona I seemed to have that evening. Thankgod I'm leaving the country, I'd hate to get a reputation. After staggering in at 6:30 I was forced out of bed 3 hours later to give a wonderful performance of sincere and heartfelt disappointment as the Northerners left for the airport and home, I don't they'll be polishing that Oscar up anytime soon. The rest of my Saturday was spent comatose on the couch listening to Richard Burton films and avoiding more extended family members *where do they all come from*

Further strangeness followed as I took a 6 year old shopping for tarantulas, threw my independent loyalties to the wind and declared my undying love for chain stores when Borders F.I.N.A.L.L.Y received my '69 Love songs'. After an absolute age but at a damn reasonable price so mustn't grumble.

I have been bitching and moaning about my obligations to do things like I did on Saturday morning and Sunday night, my time is precious and I'm not too keen on wasting it on my parents' 50-something friends who haven't seen me since my hair was white and I was wearing pink cords with red shoes *it's all in the imagery*.

The last thing I needed was to be at an early Christmas party, seated at a table of boat shoe wearing, teetotalist, mature age netball players, yet there I was. It took all of 2 minutes into a discussion on whether it is best to catch with one hand or two before I reached for the champagne, I wasn't subtle but when faced with such a horrendous evening I'm fully prepared to take on the role as requisite sot of the table.
These people were amazing, every girl at some stage in her life does a season of netball but then you hit 14 and realise you'd rather die that wear a pleated butt-scraping skirt ever again. Mature age netballers are a breed unto themselves, when I see their squat little bodies in uniforms on the weekends all I can think about is 'The Trunchbull' from Matilda. Faced with an entire dinner party of these ladies was rather terrifying, I was in the middle of having a horrible grading day flashback *I wanted goal attack damn you!* but then it all faded into hilarity when their partners showed up victorious from the men's league. They all met on the asphalt court of lurrve, the conversation was worse but watching these people interact was priceless.

I know I'm a horrible snob and that these people are genuinely nice but they are genuinely boring as well and that is unforgivable.

xxoo
Miaow

2000-11-09T19:55:00.000-08:00

'boredom is a sin, ambition should be everything'

Slept through my alarm and was disgustingly late, it's not that I care what work think but as an extremely anal person this was most distressing for me. Put on a minimum of face, run to car, keys are locked inside. Finally get to work, write the most articulate and insightful blog known to man, press the wrong key, lose the whole essay on the meaning of life and my record collection. So all you are getting is this.

Oh happy day!

2000-11-08T23:47:00.000-08:00

Excitement all round children!
I've had one too many Irish Breakfasts and I'm ready to roll!!!

Firstly, we're gearing up for B(if)tek tomorrow night m.a.d.n.e.s.s. It will be fab, they are the only act where I can undoubtedly say they were brilliant every single time I've seen them..and we're talking many times!

Excellent unsubstantiated news from the Jarvis camp, Scott Walker *swoon* may be producing the new album, that is quite possibly the best piece of music news I've heard all year. The fact that I may be in London for the release of the album is the next.

I'm not writing much about the US election, I couldn't vote and by the end of it all I was sick to death of it but the fact that it is so close disturbs me, the thought of that little pig-dog man known as Bush getting in seriously frightens me...oh and welcome back Tom..hurrah!

I should fit in a few top shows before I go and I've just received word that my darling Miss Nicky is already stirring things up in London. I daresay the Brits won't know what to make of her, I'm just glad she's there.

xxoo
Now if this post hasn't convinced you that I'm prone to wild mood swings then nothing will ;)

2000-11-07T23:33:00.000-08:00

My horse gave up before it even got to the barrier. Is the Melbourne Cup a metaphor for life?

I don't think I'll even go there!

I had something akin to a net meet-up over the weekend, I spend most of my hours on the job chatting to men all over the Asia Pacific and it was finally decided that the phone guys would meet up with the local field guys for a drink. A perfectly reasonable thing to do, I mean we speak to these fellows at least once a day and of course you are going to build up a bit of a rapport, we could even be friends.

So the warning bells went off when they suggested a bar in North Sydney, now were I a boat shoe wearing twerp from the northern beaches with a giant collection of stirrup pants and rugby jerseys I might have thought "Waaheeey".

But I'm not. And I didn't.

None of the guys were what I expected, I give people the benefit of the doubt so I NEVER expect mesh shirts but there they were, and in abundance. We all seemed to chat quite easily but it wasn't until the conversation drifted for what had to be the third time in about 10 minutes that we realised they were not only talking to us. I definitely heard the phrase "Baby can you give me some candy" being said to one girl as she innocently walked past. It was revolting, eventually I had to say "Tony, if you're looking to pickup that isn't going to work, girls HATE that", but he knew that already "I don't care..hur hur".

Admittedly there were only two that were that bad but it is strange the assumptions you make about people over the phone. One guy in particular had everyone in the office thinking he was the surfer type. Master Julian and I were completely convinced, we had the stereotype pinned all over him, of course he was the exact opposite. Why we thought it I cannot say and now when he rings I still think "It's surf boy!".

I don't think we'll be meeting them for another round, but at least my curiosity is sated, only I'd absolutely die to know what they thought of me.

xxoo
Who do you think YOU are ?

2000-11-06T13:28:00.000-08:00

I'm at work early and I have no excuse...I am a twit

I'm finding it very hard to fight the temptation of just throwing my head back and having a kip in the chair today, twenty-one going on eighty. Thankgod for The Melbourne Cup, all I have to do is throw a $2 coin at the office "I'll organise everything" sad case / eager beaver / compulsive gambling sweepstake person and then snooze my way through the race.

"The race that stops a nation"

Well thank christ for that!

2000-11-06T00:05:00.000-08:00

A broken fingernail, a cork mark on the wall and a shocking champagne stain later, I finally get around to saluting Blue Lines!

I knew I could never write like Tom but that didn't stop being inspired by his wonderful blog, it got to the stage where I had to enforce some sort of behavioural control in my posting so that I would link to every thought he posted in his blog. Instead I'll link to his Summer of Blog and the freakishly accurate summation of what the web writer truly is.

For now, I do believe the time has come for me to link to Bitchcakes! Hurrah!

2000-11-05T21:35:00.000-08:00

I've told you once before I was a Mistress of Delusions

"I've got ages to get organised"

"SHIT! Need visa, passport, suitcase, accommodation, thermal underwear, ear muffs, NO BEANIES ALLOWED, gloves, snorkel, bus pass, solar powered vehicle, sedatives"

Things are starting to heat up, I've got people whom I haven't seen for years ringing up and saying they have to see me before I go. This perplexes me as I've been in the one place for nearly all my life, they haven't seen me for about three years so what difference will another two make. I'd much rather make the most of my remaining weeks spending time with those I'm going to miss most, being comatose at the Newtown Festival, not making small talk with people I hardly know and answering the question "What are you going to do when you get to the UK" over and over again.

It's the sort of question I've learnt to loathe over the past year, it's a simple enough and obvious thing to ask yet people don't realise the nerve they are hitting. I know deep down that I'm completely disorganised, deluded, and lacking in direction and ambition I just don't feel like telling everyone else.

xxoo
Que?

2000-11-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

Sacrilege or Girl Power?

Joel Schumacher is set to make a sequel to the legendary Corey movie The Lost Boys, only this time we'll get blood sucking, bike riding 'Lost Girls'.

I can see it now, Jennifer Love Hewitt on a Harley at Santa Carla pier, ripping into some poor boy's jugular...if they try and include the "Frog Sisters" I'll just die.

2000-11-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

Miss Ness and I accompanied Liv to Loaded last night.

Aim: Capture backpacker boy

Method: Plan A - Force Liv to give him 'come hither' looks across the dancefloor.
Plan B - Peddle her with booze till she works up the courage to talk to him.

Result: Ness and I stood there with sour looks on our faces, flashing dagger eyes at lecherous backpackers and discussing the amazing cut of Velma's hair. Liv found her lust machine attached to the female version of his species and the night was a complete flop.

Highlight: Watching people attempt to dance to 'Tender'

Quote of the evening: "Hi my name is Ed, I'm an indie boy"...actually Ed had lots of quotes..."Lot's of people think I'm English because I went to a private school and we had to pronounce everything properly."

The award for "Insane Anglophile Of The Evening" goes to: Ed

Ness and I were barely there for two hours when we had to protest, this just wasn't worth being zombified for at work the next day.

xxoo
A very Stupid Cupid

2000-11-01T22:19:00.000-08:00

Help!
I have nothing to write and I've had "Thankyou For The Music" running around in my head for the past two days, I thought I got over that Abba thing years ago. I have no links, no thoughts and dammit why can't I be maniacally thinking about "Waterloo", it's far more fun.

In a fit of feeling special and web-mistressy I set up a guestbook for this blog, of course I can never tell anyone I know to sign it. Tom was 100% correct about the omissions in blogs but what about the problem with the truths?
When I've surfed myself to death I'll flit around places like BlogHop, visit random blogs and I'll find posts where the writers have been in trouble for putting personal facts about their friends on a public forum like a blog. I've done it myself and I have questioned what gives me the right to do such a thing. I've changed someone's name on the odd occasion but generally I'm far more open to writing about the personal happenings of those around me (with very little editing) than I am of writing about myself.

I think that seems pretty horrible and quite a double standard but I still don't know whether it will stop me, unless you want to hear about the crime, the car chases, the passion and the debauchery that is my life....nah

xxoo
"ring, ring, why don't you give me a call"

2000-10-31T11:50:00.000-08:00

It's 6:34am and I'm blogging...oh the humanity!

Yesterday I think my blog took a turn for the worse, a self pitying "oh woe is poor little me" post, sorry about that but what you post is what you get. I've been looking back over my Deborah diatribe to see if I went a little overboard or made myself appear to be one gigantic wimp, and unfortunately I have to say it's fairly accurate. I guess I should just realise that anyone who gets one of those Japanese characters tattooed on their body in some show of false oriental spiritualism must be a waste of skin.

**Not one trick or treater last night, people just don't want to send their children out into the fresh night air, dress them up like idiots and have them knock on strangers doors to beg for lollies anymore.

***hmmm Ratcat...why after so many years do I have to get their songs stuck in my head and why do I seem to be seeing their weedy singer hanging around my record store still trying to give off 'rock star' airs? I mean their last work was a collaboration with John-Paul Young - the guy that sang the crappy ballroom song in the Olympic closing ceremony...nuff said.

xxoo
;P

2000-10-30T20:14:00.000-08:00

Chatting during the peak period and torn stockings..oh am I ever the model employee.

It 'twas a weekend of weirdness that I just didn't have the energy to write about yesterday. It would take a year of blogging to delve into the intricacies and psychosis that is my extended family, we've even had some rather celebrated cases of insane ancestors, but that's another story.

The current batch of mental cases include "The Watchers", the breed who tell me I've lost/gained weight since they last saw me, be it last year, last month or last night. These women went so far as to count the equivalent Weight Watchers points for each meal we had!! It's insanity, and it seems to me the more weight they lose, the more bitter and twisted their faces become. They cannot possibly conceive of the fact that some people just don't feel the need to deny themselves everything they enjoy, these women are too busy visualising themselves squeezing into those pre-sprog psychedelic jumpsuits. What they need is someone to slap them and say "sweetheart, no one wears those things anymore, stop with the chemicals and have some sugar in your coffee!".
The only possible escape was dancing around the pool to 'Ooh Stick You' with a pack of 6 year olds, I must remember to introduce them to the wonders of a roller disco and leg-warmers that is Xanadu..next time!

Then there is the enigma, that cousin that everyone has (unless of course you ARE that cousin, or have none at all) who is older, and as you were growing up, seemed to have a level of coolness that you could never hope to attain. I think I'll be jittering the name "Deborah" while strewn out on chaise lounges for many years to come. She IS cool, beautiful, funny, smart and when it takes her fancy completely and utterly terrifying, not many people on this earth really scare me, she is one. I can see her being the subject of her own Reality TV show: "When Deborah Attacks", she is also one of the few associations who could make 'Disco 2000' not fun.

We had not spoken since the beginning of the year, I had committed the heinous crime of, when translating her tattoo of some Kanji, leaving the picture of it lying around and my Mum discovered that she had one...she's 26 for goodness sake!!! She screamed, I cowered and she swore that if she ever saw me again it would be too soon. Fast forward to Saturday night when we were supposed to be taking the Northerners out for a drink, I was prepared for the death stares and to even *gasp!* apologise but once I arrived she was all over me like a rash. She is currently feuding with about 60% of the clan so I suppose she was too preoccupied with far more recent issues to remember my little indiscretion.

The reason I feel I have to write about her is that I am constantly amazed at the effect she has on me, I could keep this post going for page after page and I still don't think I'd run out of things to write. If only she would realise that life is too short and the simple truth that most people aren't really worth the effort of holding grudges over I'm sure she'd be a lot happier....plus she wouldn't be nearly so scary!

xxoo
Scardy Cat

2000-10-29T21:01:00.000-08:00

The hair is growing on me..*a ha*

This has been quite possibly one of the most hellish days in my rather short but painful career as an office nobody, busy as hell and no air-conditioning...could it get any worse?

Oh look! An audit man.

I did hear quite a top song this morning, it was tuneful and it made me smile as only a piss take on Ben Lee can (which is quite an achievement at 6:45am!). It was by a group called Klinger who always seemed somewhat bland but "Ben Lee" was a ditty...if I had been more awake I would have remembered the lyrics "he sleeps with movie stars..." but then the morning fog kicked in.

I should have linked to Clan Analogue aeons ago. Aside from giving me many a memorable evening they have pioneered a great movement in Sydney, combining art, music and like I said, brilliant nights out.

xxoo
The Office Bitch.

2000-10-26T23:52:00.000-07:00

You know, you really shouldn't laugh..

I've just had an incident at work thanks to Ben and the Cat Scan site. It does exactly what it says and I've just had to explain this to one of my superiors as when they rang they only got my giggles instead of the usual monotone "Hello, this is someone who really isn't interested in helping you at all" voice.

2000-10-26T21:41:00.000-07:00

Hair update: I don't hate it but I don't love it either..

I got out of Loaded last night *phew*, all my horrid opinions of British backpackers stem from my experiences at that place. Why go back you ask? Weeeeell, the lure of incredibly cheap drinks worked for the second and what I swore would be the last time I entered that hell hole. Now it's to help out a friend with one of the backpackers she's developed a fondness for, so of course my relief in not going is now replaced by guilt as she needed some support last night.

**Anyone who's photo doesn't work on Am I Hot Or Not gets a '1'. I'm sorry but time's a wasting and there are more people to place vicious, shallow judgements upon.

***I was in two minds about linking to this. I thought it was a joke at first but after reading a couple of paragraphs you realise the depth this nutter has gone into in describing his dolphin fetish *ick!*. Erm, I guess I should thank Master Julian for the link which he swears he came upon accidentally!

On that note, have a luuuuurvley weekend, I'll be up to me ears in bacon butties if the Mancs have anything to do with it.

xxoo
Miss M

2000-10-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

I HATE to disappoint people

I HATE being sick

..and I think I hate my hair

I think part of the reason I'm feeling so off today is the prospect of going to 'Loaded' tonight. I HATE that club, but if I don't go Liv will be let down and I HATE being the piker.

I greatly dislike the new NME site...*grr* don't credit that Dando with something Smudge wrote!!!

On a brighter note *tra la laa* Jess got back from Livid yesterday. The word from Bris-vegas is that The Cure were boring; Greenday seemed to have the most fun; Dandy Warhols were cute; Boss Hog sexy; Regurgitator didn't play "Crush the Losers" (so they were sadly denied the 80's power chords and pelvic thrusts); Lou Reed was uncompromising; she likes Muse so we'll say no more about that; Sonic Animation were very groovy; Grinspoon cock-rocked their way around as always; she didn't see the Resin Dogs but I challenge anyone to see them and not have a good time; The Living End went through the motions and she said she had a fab time.

I had her locked in the shed before she left until she promised me she would go and see B(if)tek. Jess's description of them was priceless, "they're weird, why didn't you tell me it was two girls jumping around and going crazy behind all these old 'bleeping' machines from the 60's and 70's...good though"...but of course!!

It's been linkerama from me today, blogging is good for the soul but I still don't want to go to bloody Loaded!

xxoo
The cranky hermit lady with the bad hair.

2000-10-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

I still look weird

I look very neat all over

This will take much getting used to, especially the neat bit, curls make you feel slightly disheveled and I quite liked that. I'm not entirely regretting the chop...yet.

*Had to have a little change of address, it seems the '!' I felt I deserved in my title was throwing a bit of a spanner in the works, (ta Tom!). Ssso now we have misssphinx and I'm ssspitting all over the ssscreen asss I type.

**The relatives from Manchester landed on our doorstep last night, they are the type of travelers I find hilarious and can never understand. They spent most of their stop-over in Singapore looking for a McDonalds, cause "You nooo we wantid summat familiar, not noodles"....bless. I love them to death though, they are the only members of my extended family I can tolerate, I wish I was staying with them and not my evil Uncle in Cheam!! Ahhh well, he's the closest thing to London and Australians can't be choosers...

xxoo
Missssssssssssssstthhhhhhhspit

2000-10-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

*ba ba ba ba baaaa - ba ba ba ba baaaa*

Ooooh I've done something rather drastic!!! I am a scarlet woman!! I schemed, I fibbed, I forced my sisters best friend to ring up people she didn't know and question them under an assumed name...I was ruthless. But I finally found my hairdresser!! This morning the curls were given the chop and I'm sporting the shortest hair I have ever had, I may have to change my name to Bernice!

I had been at my old salon for years and was too much of a wimp to fess up and say I was leaving them for another. It's so stupid and I put on such a production in getting other people to do my dirty work that this haircut has taken on a life force of it's own. So it has been done and at the moment I think that I look too weird to be able tell if it is any good or not, I look like a flapper..I wonder how long before the 'f' is replaced with an 's'?

** I love "Lapels and Lollypops" but I almost wish I could rename it "..and the sushi weep", I feel this is a perfect name for a blog.

***Mama likes where-ever-you-are. I wandered in here when the blog was but a test twinkle in the author's eye, I wander back and it's fabulous.

xxoo
That weird looking girl with the bob.

2000-10-22T23:23:00.000-07:00

Oh god, how can I let this one pass without comment!!

I can't believe I missed this!! When yabbering on about all the poptarts in Sydney at the moment I completely missed out on the popmaster himself, the juvenile megastar, Aaron Carter!!!. Aaron's Party are going to be the main attraction at a Halloween festival in the football stadium, I wonder if his dancers might mistake him for a leather bound ball of fun and try to boot him through the uprights.

I think it is perfect, 9 out of 10 people in Australia couldn't give two hoots about halloween and those who do probably love Aaron Carter as well so it's a match made in heaven (besides we get all the American sitcom halloween shows in February anyway..).

**You had to assume that most of the audience on Friday evening had seen at least one BBC literary adaptation, so despite being colonials we have fairly good idea of the foppish, useless British upper classes. Why on earth the English cast felt they had to ham everything up so I'll never know. They sold themselves short and lost some of Wilde's brilliant lines in their overplay. Instead of finding Algernon amusing I wanted to use him for target practise, and I would have loved a panto atmosphere so I could shout at Gwendolen to stay away from that peevish Jack!

***Note to self: Try to avoid going online when you get home early on a Saturday night, there are message boards out there that I wouldn't dare show my alias in ever again!

xxoo
Sot Face

2000-10-21T06:25:00.000-07:00

"Mathilde, how can you still be drinking wine at this hour?"

"Oh, why that is because I am what they call a 'Sot', my dear"

Talking to Alison after one too many pinot's..does it get any better?

2000-10-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

What is in a name?

I am tottering off to The Importance of Being Ernest this evening. It is starring Mrs Bucket which should be interesting to say the least, I may have scored a date at The Different Drummer as well! The day has started at an ungodly 5am *bleh* so I hope I don't start snoring in the second act!

Got chatting to some English backpacker at YLT on Wednesday night. I'm sure that backpackers with a limited visa win hands down for the "Men With The Most Lecherous Stare" Award. You can see what is exactly running through their beer addled brains "mmm..beer..sun..girls I can leave at the airport". The amount of times I've heard slurred offers of "Wanna come back to me flat in Coogee?", funny thing is, it generally only works for the female of their species and she is most likely sharing the same flat only in a corner he hasn't unearthed yet.

For all my snide opinions on British tourists I don't think they get anywhere near the reputation of Australians abroad, I'm going to have to prepare myself for the stigma associated with Aussies in London. I hear that they are generally a bunch of pains in the proverbial. I have heard of the infamous Church?? where they play Chisel, drink VB and have foul floor shows....why did they leave the Coogee Bay Hotel in the first place? It's crazy, it's like English tourists walking along Bondi Beach in socks and sandals, stopping off for the odd scone along the way!

When I die and go to my own personal hell hole I will either be stuck in Circular Quay with an Olympics that never ends or I will be in a place like The Church in Earls Court.

xxoo
Mathilde "As god is my witness I will not get a job in a pub" Sphinx

I wonder if I'll explode if I have another coffee..

2000-10-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

Ah have seen the light..

I've decided to place a permanent link for Augie March on my blog, those boys were excellent and quite helpful when Master Julian came down with a shocking case of the hiccups. It was a toss up between:

* A shot of voddy;
* random pinches and punches when he wasn't looking;
* then finally after he threatened to go home we took up the Augie offer of a quickeze..apparently touring with Yo La Tengo gives you indigestion.

Augie March were really good, they were sweet, emotive and they didn't seem to wail as much live as they do on CD, I enjoyed them far more than I did Yo La Tengo who I didn't get into at all, which was a shame. It was good having it at the Uni bar, I spent most of the YLT set catching up with people I hadn't seen for ages. A good night was had by all, especially Master Julian who did not make it into work this morning, the poor boy was hungover, bruised and had a bad case of the burps.

xxoo
Mathilde

2000-10-17T19:29:00.000-07:00

Clarity..Stupidity..and Nice Slaggy Gossip!

I'm going to see Yo La Tengo this evening; we'll be hot-footing it up to the Uni bar. It will be worth the trip just to see the scowls on the faces of the bar scum as security kick them out for the paying customers, read: the scummy, fascist public.
I'm looking forward to seeing the support act Augie March, I'm somewhat surprised that these guys appeal to me, I haven't gone in for this kind of schtick since I was 17. You see Augie March are a wailers, we're talking your bog standard, Jeff Buckley clone wailers who are dime a dozen these days, so why do they appeal? Perhaps it's that I feel they are sincere, when Coldplay sing about yellow, it only makes me think about bile and pus. When Travis sing about writing to reach you, I physically wretch and thank god no one bothers to play Buckley anymore. I'd love to be able to put my finger on their appeal, I'm sure I'll have a stronger opinion tomorrow after I've seen them live.

Here's a game for those who enjoy making people uncomfortable in lifts, staring at strangers and for oddballs with a Beadle fetish *ick*. When meeting new acquaintances, rather than saying 'hello', try a deep 'bird of prey', when asked to repeat yourself simply reply with a falsetto 'flying high'. Guaranteed to freak them out and the only use I can fathom for that stupid and mundane phrase in that equally stupid and highly irritating song.

Sydney is currently lolly pop central, gadding about at the moment is a soggy Ricky Martin and one of the most shocking mime artists I have ever witnessed on pre-recorded television. Billie Piper was lost in the legions of blonde bimbets but thank god she is holding her own in the slaggy, coke snorting, bullet boob stakes!

xxoo
Mathilde Sphinx

"When do I get to go into a toilet with Billie?"

2000-10-17T00:43:00.000-07:00

A woman on a mission..

If I don't find my AWOL hairdresser soon, I'll lose my nerve and nothing is going to get chopped!!

For a far more enlightening topic, look no further than the stars.

xxoo
Lazy M

2000-10-15T19:41:00.000-07:00

Me?

I'm feeling slightly disturbed today, how about you ?

At first I thought having a stalker was slightly amusing (ok, so I'm twisted), I thought it was a mistake, some poor guy was thrown off the scent with a random phone number in a club and *oops* it just happened to be mine*. After a week of pestering calls and desperate messages I'm beginning to realise that he thinks he is on the right track. OK so this was all a little peculiar, and quite sad but then the little bastard tells me where he got my number...he thinks he got it from a disgusting porno mag!!! I think the fact that it is a cheap shoddy porno and not up to the quality of Playboy that pisses me off the most, to think I would even be associated with such a crappy looking publication..it really gets my goat.

Of course now I have had to disable the message bank on my phone as the little turd has been running up my bill with all his "Please, please call me" messages. I honestly don't know who it could be and why on earth he is persisting, he seems to think he can have some kind of meaningful relationship with my voicemail, as he is yet to speak to the real thing. I've thought about what I would say should I ever answer one of his calls, oh the expletives that have come to mind! But I think I would rather just ask why and then go on to explain that I'm really a 200 kilo truckie with a voice box problem so I can throw him off the scent.

I'd like to get one of those articulate and intelligent stalkers, you know, the ones who write you cryptic messages and hang around you as an acquaintance whom you would never expect until *bam!* it's too late and you're both locked in the attic together. Not some ignoramus who rings up at 3am to giggle drunkenly into your phone after you have stumbled out of bed and broken a few toes only to just miss the call.

xxoo
Mathilde "Chesty LaRue, Porn Queen" Sphinx

*This kind of thing must happen, I've done it myself, only now do I think of the consequences.

2000-10-12T18:01:00.000-07:00

She Bangs, She Blows and She's Gonna Shake Your Buoy Buoy

Get set for a review of the Auckland Ricky Martin concert!! Lady Helen whom I've been best buds with since we were 5 has been slowly brainwashed these past 3 years in New Zealand. It started off with her renaming her doona the 'duvet', an accent on the odd 'i' and has culminated in her dating *gasp!* rugby players and attending the Ricky Martin show...oh and there was that Rubby Wullyums indiscretion as well.

I'm wondering what has happened to my friend, I have visited her a couple of times. It was a laugh but after a couple of drinks the inevitable always happened, some insecure numnut would stagger over and challenge me to a 'Where Do Crowded House Come From Duel'...like I care. I must admit, boys are far more polite in New Zealand than here in Oz, ladies take note.

The New Zealanders are in the midst of some serious storms, so my contacts tell me. Little Ricky is holding his concert outdoors, presumably for maximum moon reflection off his pecs but I fear the most likely outcome is that he will be blown off stage.

Hopefully I can convince Helen to speak to me again so I can give you a review. She was ever so slightly offended by my hysterical fit of laughter when she told me she was going, she was really offended when I asked if she paid for the tickets.

xxoo
Mathilde Sphinx

Thought For The Day : Hello Kitty grammar + Thesaurus abuse = Mass Confusion

2000-10-11T14:48:00.000-07:00

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's coke-bottle glasses and an overbite...

It's GEEK GIRL!!!!

I have been maniacally playing word games for the past 3 days, hopefully this will result in my gaining quite a prodigious and trenchant vocabulary.

xxoo
Mathilde "The Atrabilious Demimondaine" Sphinx

2000-10-10T14:37:00.000-07:00

Just call me "Puffy"..

Well I have the bags under my eyes, but I think I would prefer the gaudy diamonds...no I lie. I don't wear a scrap of jewelery and if you can believe it, my mother is already fretting about what to do with her rings when she dies because she knows I won't wear them!! I mean honestly, she's got at least another 25 years left.

Gosh! I do believe I've digressed..

The bags haven't disappeared since Saturday night, when we made a triumphant, post olympics return to The Lansdowne. There was moderate gnashing of molars as we saw the empty new "gaming room", so we decided to scamper up to the cocktail bar instead. It was later on in the night when we had commandeered a few lounges in a circle that I started to have hellish American sitcom flashes.

Perhaps it was the realisation that every female in the room was drinking cosmopolitans, those disgustingly sweet lollywater cocktails, but that wasn't nearly enough to make me feel uncomfortable. It was the little voice that squeaked "I am so like Carrie", at first I thought "cool telekinesis!!", but rather, the young lady was comparing herself to the Sex and the City character. This is getting to be a common phenomenon, I have people saying to me "You should check out this bar, it's so Sex and the City". Upon being told this I have been known to scream "PASHMINAAAAAAAAAAAAA" and run for the hills.

It all reeks of fashion victim to me, and I just can't stand that sort of thing. To compensate I dashed off to Get Down to groove with Barbarella but you know my Manolo's gave me hell and my McQueen didn't go with the decor *tsk tsk*

xxoo
Mathilde "I so relate to Tanya" Sphinx

2000-10-09T18:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here in a shapeless work-shirt and I'm having palpitations!!

The creaming soda isn't working, and I hate the way we have to wear this mock uniform for the opening days, it hardly gives one a stylish image. Speaking of stylish images (don't you just love my seamless links), I have found another smashing site, bursting with advice and a rather large cocktail menu *nice*, Disgruntled Housewife...this gal has wonderful priorities. Great design, and shouldn't every site have a Dick List!!

xxoo
Mathilde "wondering whether she should be allowed to blog whilst tipsy at work" Sphinx

2000-10-09T01:29:00.000-07:00

hoohoo! I luuuuurve my workplace

Blogland, I am sitting here with glass of Brokenwood and taking calls...thats the life!! They actually suggested I try the call centre after a few drinks, to see if I enjoy it a little more.

After carefull scientific study and consideration, I would have to say "YES"

xxoo
"Hewoo my name ith Mathilde Thfinx, and haven't you got a luurvly voice, how can I help you?"

2000-10-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

"Why don't you try the St Hallets Gamekeepers Reserve"

"I had a glass of that at a restaurant and it was DISGUSTING!"

"Then why don't you just go and choose your own wine, you tasteless prick!"

I wish I had said that on Saturday, why come into a wine merchants and ask for advice when you are not going to listen to a word I have to say!!!

The closer I get to d-day, the more likely it is that will be rude to all those coming in contact with me while I'm at work. I am sick to death of these men (99% of the time the culprit is male) who come into my work and ask for advice only to try and assert their superior wine knowledge by knocking down everything I suggest. I may be paranoid but I'm sure that is their plan every time they come into the store, on my last day I think I may have to give one of them a mouthful..*boom boom*

2000-10-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

The making of Mathilde's "Poptastic Megadisc"!!

....and possibly the most links you will ever get out of me on this blog!!!!

I'm trying to sort out my mix disc for the long haul to London, the order, the selection....aaarrrgghhh!!!

1. Anatomically Correct - Custard
2. Girlfriend In A Coma - Smiths
3. Japanese Gameshow - B(if)tek
4. Wave of Mutilation - Pixies
5.Cathy's Clown - You Am I
6. You and Me and the Moon - Magnetic Fields
7. Hello Kitten - Hefner
8. My Wandering Days Are Over - Belle & Sebastian
9. Heroine - Suede
10. Pure - The Lightening Seeds
11. The Song Formally Known As (!) - Regurgitator

I honestly can't be bothered to write any more, the theory was that I would be able to spend this day of complete hangover drudgery making this list and looking at sites. As it turns out, I can't be arsed.

xxoo
Mathilde "Signor Micky" Sphinx

2000-10-04T00:07:00.000-07:00

Are you the type to begrudge another's happiness?...I am

....on certain days I am and this shouldn't be one of those days as I'm graduating tomorrow and really should be taking advantage of this chance to wallow in my own sense of self-importance. I'm growling and I think it is this stupid job, I have to keep on reminding myself that this was only to get me through uni and now it's just for a bit of extra saving to get me off this island. I have to try and remember that do have skills other that fast typing and data entry.

What a disgustingly indulgent post..cheer yourself up with some accurate advice from a truthful fortune cookie.

xxoo
Mathilde "I Need A Mr Robinson" Sphinx

***All this insecurity is stupidly based upon the fact that I just found out that my arch enemy has two very flash cars, while I walk.

2000-10-02T18:24:00.000-07:00

"I absolutly adore Rubbie Wullyums"

My lovely Miss Mu rang me from Wellington last night, it's been so long since we spoke and I have been a slack bitch about getting in contact with her. So we yabbered and dissected our issues (well mostly mine) over the happiness of two of my best friends, which is just quietly, driving me fecking bonkers..why can't everyone be bitter, I HAVE NO ROOM FOR MUSH!!

Erm, yes and then she blurts out with "I love Rubbie Wullyums" which is not that strange for Mu, her last two big fame crushes were that dirty looking singer from The Counting Crows and *eeek* Pauly Shore. The strange thing is I spoke to one of my best friends a week ago, Miss Helen who now lives in Auckland, and when she answered the phone she squealed "Hew can you rung me now, there's a Rubbie Wullyums spicial on!!"
She was courteous enough to stay on the phone with me though her voice drifted and there were long pauses between the end of my last rant and the beginning of her next reply. I heard Rachel drooling in the background and Helen regaled me with stories about how they made a Canadian acquaintance of theirs roam the CD stores so they could get 'Sing When Your Winning' sent over long before it was released in NZ.

It's all a little strange, I grew up with these girls and as far as I can remember the last time they squealed like this to me was about one of the Corey's. Now I don't think I have my head too firmly planted in the sand (humour me please), Robbie Williams is not that big here, I have seen snippets of the Rock DJ clip but I honestly haven't heard the whole song. It seems fairly easy to avoid him in Oz something I'm sure he and his record company will rectify shortly.

xxoo
Mathulde Sphunx

2000-10-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

Guess who's bored and playing with her template...

I did a wee little html course last semester, very bloody little as my skill level amounts to zip. See I couldn't go back to the class after my second session when I accidentally uploaded onto the teachers website the words "blah, blah, blah...blahblahblahblah". We should have just been practicing but guess who wasn't paying attention and uploaded ?!?! He then clicked onto his site to show the whole theatre what he had done and just got my little opinion on his teaching style instead. An arsey mature aged student dobbed me in and called me "a red herring", then the lecturer wanted to know why I wrote that...gawd it was an accident.

I didn't go back to the course and this is a rather long-winded explanation of why this blog is so crappy looking and now that I've found the site that the blah blah teacher designed to teach yourself HTML it might actually improve.

xxoo
Mathilde "That Red Herring" Sphinx

2000-09-30T22:40:00.000-07:00

Reclaim the Streets!!!

I guess I have to be a teensy, weensy bit honest and say that this Olympics has not been all bad, there haven't been any major hitches, and nobody exploded from too many horse hormones whilst running down the track....though it was assumed that would be one of the highlights.

Still I am glad to see it go, and tonight with a bottle of bubbly and the party poppers I nicked from the chrissie party (sorry Mel) I'll be reclaiming my city once more!!! The barricades around Redfern will be removed, they'll let homeless return to their streets and people walking around with tattoos of flags on their faces will be considered "so last Olympiad, dahhhhrling".

I'll be able to don my trademark catatonic scowl and no one will tell me to smile anymore!!!!Hurrah!!

I've been trying not to contemplate how much has been spent on the Olympics and how it could have gone to a far worthier cause than the pursuit of sport...that would only make me cranky

Instead I will focus on what I will do next weekend as we return to do "Cocktails at The Lansdowne", back to my heavenly Glebe and we'll beat a path to The Different Drummer for tapas and grooving. I'll even get to find out what is going on in the world, you know there is something wrong in your society when the Palestinian riots come second last in your news bulletin.

xxoo
Mathilde "I'm watching the dream die" Sphinx

2000-09-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

'Crazy Little Coincidences', or, 'Why You Should Never Cross Me'...

The last person who tried to do a number on me spread horrid rumors* around our circle of friends. She then proceeded to drop out of school, suffer from acute anxiety attacks and her father walked out on her and her bitch mother. Five years down the track I've just assigned, (by coincidence I swear) one of our worst and sleasiest engineers to fix her computer.

Mwahahahahahahahahahaaarr

Play nice, children...

xxoo
Mathilde "She Will Have Her Revenge" Sphinx

*The fact that I was with her boyfriend at the time is a minor detail..don't you think?

2000-09-27T19:34:00.000-07:00

There is no accounting for taste...

My low degree of tolerance for stupid people is counter-balanced by my ability to tolerate crap movies, and after rushing off to see the teen ballet flick "Centre Stage" I can confirm two things:

*"Fame" was THAT fantastic; and

*Even though I'm old enough to know better I still wish I could have had one of THOSE teenage romances...

I'm appalled at myself for feeling that way but when my fellow partners in intellectual crime and I walked out, we all had similar confessions. Anyone who says they had a perfect teen romance with perfect conversations, perfect teeth and perfect skin is talking total crap!!... (I may pay the teeth claim but most of my friends who've had braces have gone back to being cluttermouths anyway).

It could be because I have been cynical since birth, but nothing ever seemed that "special". Instead of being some doe eyed romantic teenager I was too busy wishing I were Kim Deal, as I recall so was my boyfriend...

Why does this junk suck me in now ? I'm not that sure that it truly does, especially if it has to be done to a Britney/Jessica/Mandy/Mork and Mindy soundtrack. It's the reminiscing, the "look-backs"; the look-back & *cringe*, the look-back & *smirk*....I don't seem, to have a look-back & *sigh* and at times I wish I did.

So, no more crap teen romances...my next adventure into the depths of Hollywood at its worst will be "Battlefield Earth"!!. I've believed the hype, I'm sure it's no "Plan 9", but I can't wait..

xxoo
Mathilde "It's-So-Bad-It's-Good" Sphinx

2000-09-26T23:15:00.000-07:00

Ethics *BAH!*
What does a girl like me want with a thing like that!!

The powers that be in my company have decided that we are all so morally corrupt and depraved that we need to be retrained in our workplace ethics. I think I started to worry my boss when she noticed the especial glee I recieved when giving my co-workers electric shocks, perhaps it was because I always waited till they had a steaming cup of coffee.

No backstabbing, no bitching, no throwing Tracey out the window...DAMN!!!!

I should never have left university, it was almost compulsory to shag people in authority there. Lord knows why but there is something about lecturers...or maybe that was just my circle of friends. How a short, bald 45yr old Cultural Studies lecturer whose main philosophical concern was whether men who've had sex changes can legitimately call themsleves lesbians if they sleep with women*, got Lucy I'll never know.

I remember the big ethics drill we had in first year; I perfected plagiarism shortly after.
Regular ethics sessions followed, for some reason psychologists have a bit of a dud reputation...it reminded me of why I decided upon this career path in the first place. They tried to beat it into us "don't sleep with the patients", most took this a cue to sleep with the lecturers instead.

I always loved the fact that I went to a university where the head of the Psychology faculty was called (I kid you not) Rod Power...he didn't dare hang around for the psychoanalysis lectures!!

I'll leave you with a quote by a lass I spent 4 years at uni with, the scariest thing is, she graduated and she's out there:
" Yeah, but like what if you (the therapist), are sleeping with your patient while at the same time you are also counseling his wife over their impending divorce...is that ethical?"

xxoo
Mathilde "Come To My Couch" Sphinx

*If there are any cultural studies students out there who would like to try and convince me that this is a serious and important cultural discussion...DON'T!

2000-09-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

"Timmy, Timmo, The Timster, Timmo-doodle-dandy"

I truly wasn't prepared for the obsessive yobbo factor on Friday night when we went into The Hopetoun to see Tim Rogers do an acoustic show. I'm sure it was the threat of my imminent departure that inspired me to actually get it together to go into the city a week before, buy the tickets and then get in there early to get a seat on the stage. I had stopped paying attention to You Am I after Hi Fi Way, a brilliant album, but everything after that has been a bit pants. As it turns out we were the only ones there who weren't completely mad obsessives, singing along to every word.

The biggest fan of the night had managed to get himself completely trashed with The International Playboys and during Tim's more touching moments could be heard screeching "Go Thorpedo" "Up North Melbourne" and "Timmy, Timsterino..You love it!!".

It had to be one of the strangest gigs I had ever been to, with a crowd of 100 or so screaming "SHUT UP" at this one fellow in-between each song and the singer himself buying the drunken yobbo more beer and whiskey. There was a power shortage in the middle of the set so everyone started singing Paul Kelly songs, combine that with gorgeous little odes to Tim's truly divine wife and an acoustic version of "Berlin Chair" made for a very intimate and unique evening.

Arnie and I had a good laugh at some of the music aficionados there, while Rusty was DJ-ing he quite cheekily put on "Wild Thing" before Tim came out only to have Mr Music behind us explain to his group "You know, this was the version inspired by Hendrix"...

I'm very glad I went, it brought me back to the days when they *shock horror* HAD under-age shows at The Metro and Australian live music was actually exciting. The NEW You Am I stuff sounded none to shabby either!!!

xxoo
Mathilde "The Not-So-Subtle Blogslut" Sphinx

2000-09-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

"Could I please have a glass of Bin 65?"

"Would you like fries with that?"

Such is the stranglehold of McDonalds, THE place to hang at Olympic Park was actually called McDonalds Central where you could get your "droy woite woine" in a plastic glass plus a horrible excuse for a red {shame on you Lindemans!!!} as well as a wide variety of cullinary delights. People have been ranting over the last few years about Australia being a great "cuisine destination" with our abundance of fresh produce and adventurous palatte Sydney has some of the worlds top restaurants... seriously. Sports mad food critics must have been dying to see what tasty morsels we would dish up at our games, one glance at the menu says it all really:
Big Mac
Cheeseburger
Double Cheeseburger

There were vegetarian pizzas for those who don't dig on offal, but really what were people like that doing there in the first place? You can't push yourself to the boundaries of human endurance without injesting a carcass or two every day, pasty faced vegan geeks shouldn't be at THE GAMES anyway!!.

Well I was and I shock even myself by saying that they were fairly well organised, once I got over the dizziness and nose bleeds induced by the altitude of our seats it wasn't too bad a day. Still I did leave an hour early because as Jess and I were sipping our champagne and munching on fries we saw a crowd whose size would make your mind boggle, just the thought of trying to catch a train home with all those people gave me palipitations.

Ditto yesterday as I went back into that Olympic cesspool known as Circular Quay, I thought I had mentally prepared myself to line up for Ute on my own and that I would be able to deal with the constant feeling of being the only single person there... story of my life dahlink. I could never have prepared myself for the amount of people that were at Circular Quay, nor for the offers from British tourists to "massage every part of my body". Call me a wimp but after getting to the Opera House forecourt and still feeling like I was teeny drone in a teeming ants nest I bolted and went home to sink a bottle of Wynns Coonawarra Cab/Sav to calm my nerves...

"WIMP!!!"

xxoo
Mathilde "The Wussy Wino" Sphinx

2000-09-21T16:14:00.000-07:00

You only did it so that you could wear your terry underwear...

I'm so tired today Blogland, I really need some sleep at the moment as I am so busy with things that start very early in the morning and don't finish till late at night. I'm beginning to wander if it was worth it trapsing all the way into the city to watch people dance down a 26 floor building...even if it was a friend. We had to watch Monique form one of the Olympic viewing venues, Circular Quay, and I can unequivocally say that I don't "do" sport, not in the slightest.

In fact it repulses me.

Is it the blind devotion, is it the yobbo factor, the VB, the silly hats, the adding of an "ee" or an "oo" to the end of every name...YES, YES, YES and god YES!

So I was officially "un-Astrayan" last night as I was too busy straightening my hem to watch some beefed up biker get "GOLD! GOLD! GOLD! FOR ASTRAYA!", I didn't sing Waltzing Matilda, didn't drink any VB nor any "droy woite woine" out of plastic cups and I certainly didn't give a continental.

What it comes down to is that it just doesn't enrich my life watching someone else win...

However, I do enjoy watching people fall flat on their faces.

xxoo
Mathilde "The Sedentary Sadist" Sphinx

***It's Tim Rogers tonight, Glebe markets very early in the morning, stars of track and field tomorrow night and I'm lining up fot Ute on Sunday!!

2000-09-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

I vant to be alone Dahlink...

I'm feeling very denied here at the moment, how dare they sell out of tickets for Ute Lemper, how dare they!!! I can't believe I missed out, they do, however, have 'standing room' tickets especailly for those desperately unorganised people like myself...oh what to do? Do I miserably skulk away or do I line up for over two hours before the performance?

This brings us to the topic of scalpers, are these people horrible parasites that feed off the desperation of people like myself, should they be detested, arrested and cast as far away from a ticket booth as possible?? I would in most normal circumstances say "YES, crucify the dirty bastards, let the blood run free.." but what happens when you want something so badly and you know the only way you are going to get it is by sidling up to some dodgy cockney bloke while trying to hide the desperation in your eyes and attempt to haggle convincingly.

It's pointless.

He knows why you're there, he can spot that hope in your eye, haggle-shmaggle, he'll milk you for every cent you have in that clenched little fist and it will be worth it. You've already been been beating yourself up for weeks, what made you think you wouldn't want to go, why didn't you just spend the money if you wanted it that badly, you think you're the only one with such fabulous taste!!!!! Of course it was going to sell out and now you're paying the penalty.

I'm torn and there may not even be any scalper tickets...does the Opera House "DO" scalpers???. It may have to be standing room, I know how many tickets there are and when I get there and see how many people are ahead of me I'll know what chance I have. I'll take Evelyn with me, the wait won't be too bad...

xxoo
Mathilde "Mistress of Delusions" Sphinx

2000-09-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

Today everything that enters my body MUST be fizzy*....

Why does it always happen this way, this weekend is a veritable smorgasboard-orgasboard of things to do and it's just so hard to choose while last weekend was a bit of a dud..though it would help my Saturday night quests if I wasn't always so hungover from one too many Jasmines the night before c/o The Lansdowne cocktail bar..

What a seamless link *cough* to my latest whinge, I hear you say "why Mathilde, it's not like you to complain" ...I know, I know, but I must, I must lament over what those horrid new little pig-dog owners are doing to MY favourite pub, The Lansdowne.
I'd give you the link only the new bastards are so cheap and nasty that they took down the site, I really don't know how they found the time to do that while they were so busy hacking my bar in half!! My pub has been raped by the poker machine craze, it is not enough that those things ruin peoples lives, are antisocial but they also give off a horrid glow that undoes any sort of efforts one goes to with the makeup trowel that night AND they have taken over my pub! The beautiful floating bar downstairs that only slightly irked you as you waited 15 minutes for a drink every night is now blocked off down the middle to make a pokie room where the perving tables used to be. Will 'Sounds' ever return to it's home of many years, will a cage dancer ever grace that stage again, will live music go altogether??

I often think there are few men in music who fill their lyrics with more bile and accompanied by more woeful tunes than Tim Freedman, however he was right about one thing, death to the pokies!!!!

If they do anything to my cocktail bar I'll die, not only that but I'll need a new party venue EEEK!!!

xxoo
mathilde@alledgedly.com

*although not of the variety of a certain corporate olympic sponsor who are so childish that they would attempt to group terrorists and Pepsi drinkers into the same category and besides it's Creaming Soda all the way!!!

2000-09-18T19:02:00.000-07:00
*Le Growls*
...the perils of the fishbowl office

Oh how I wish I wasn't such a shitty kitty today, but it can't be helped and I'm not going into what is plaguing me on here.

Instead we'll whinge about somethng else...
For the years I was at University I revelled in a new power I discovered was available to me, the power of choosing my associates. Psych was big enough so that you didn't have to hang around with those you didn't like, there was an abundance of different people to blag notes off and it was perfectly acceptable to desert irritating souls at the bar without an explanation.
School was a little bit different mind, you really had to have some kind of group of stable friends selected from a limited pool and if you were lucky, when wading through the options, you managed to pick up a soul mate along the way. The best thing about school was the acceptability that you could tell off the ones you really hated, the ones who shat you to tears. Nothing can come close to the great bitch fights you had at school because they were dead passionate and most of the time were all forgotten by the next morning.

But in the fishbowl office, where your personal space is so defined and you just can't pick up your desk and run as far away as possible from the insanely irritating girl next to you ***RAH!***. I don't think that the phrase "I don't know why but everything she does drives me absolutely bonkers" is acceptible as a formal complaint. She is so irriatating she makes my mind vibrate, were I at uni I'd be able to send her and her bourbon & coke (cause I'm sure thats her type of drink) as far away from me as possible but now I can't and she is far to close.

Offices are unhealthy. I hate the office.

2000-09-17T22:55:00.000-07:00
Subtle is a dirty word....

The most obvious question facing all of us hipsters today is how do we un-do the wrongs we have done, how do we change people's perception of us without going to too much trouble. Lord knows it might be more just to go to all those whom we've wronged and personally make amends, but in this day and age (and especially in Australia's case) who has the time to do that! So after watching the world react to our abominable human rights record with respect to our indigenous population and our refusal to sign the UN treaty in support of womens rights how does Australia go about changing the world's perceptions in one fell swoop?? A cynical person might suggest that an Olympic opening ceremony, watched by 10 billion(??), would be a good place to start.....I could harp on about that lighting of the torch for hours but I shant, it just seemed so blatant to me, a "this ought to shut the critics up", all proving that Michael Knight indeed has the deft touch of a sledge hammer.

2000-09-14T18:56:00.000-07:00
Today I feel pink, I may be wearing red but I feel pink!

Today is the day of the Olympic opening ceremony and I hope to god we don’t make complete arses of ourselves in front of the rest of the world. I hope no one minds if I get horribly drunk and make terribly sarcastic comments throughout the whole thing, otherwise it just won’t be any fun.

I am getting a makeover today, so of course I had to make sure I have impeccable make up before I go…seems quite silly doesn’t it.

I thought I had tons to say in today’s blog, given the fact that I have ignored you for a few days..it would appear that I don’t. It would also appear that I was rather foolish for wearing high heels today but then glamour will do that to you.

I’m contemplating whether to put this on the web for all to see, I never thought anyone would be even remotely interested but there seems to be a surge in these web blogs, everybody is doing it!!! Is it for themselves or are other people actually interested in these things???

So I am going to see about putting this on the web for a little while and then we’ll see what happens, shall we...